Thanksgiving is next week, and yes, my Christmas decorations are going up right now. Why? Because I’m a rebel with a cause—my cause being: I do whatever makes me happy. And you can too. That’s our theme this week: doing what works for YOU as we approach a season that can feel like pure magic for some and a walk through hell for others. From passive-aggressive comments to the pressure to eat or not eat the right amount, and the inevitable guilt trip about where you’re spending your time, the holidays can be a lot. Let’s talk about reclaiming your peace, power, and plate—yes, literally your plate.
Porton-Size Drama: Because Everyone’s Got an Opinion
Ah, the plate-sized critique—it’s a holiday classic. Whether you’re going back for seconds or putting barely anything on your plate, someone always has something to say.
Whether someone’s saying, ‘Wow, that’s a big plate!’ or ‘Is that all you’re eating?’—it can feel uncomfortable, right?
If you load up with that extra scoop of stuffing, you hear: ‘Wow, someone’s hungry!’ or ‘I thought you were on a diet..” Or on the otherhand, you decide to take it light because you’re just not feeling it, or maybe… just maybe you cant stand the taste of some of the food or you know aunt nancy licks the spoon when she cooks and the thought of it grosses you out — I said what I said… and suddenly it’s: ‘Oh, are you even eating? Or Is that all your getting? You should try this… You know, you really should try everything!’
Can we normalize this? Your plate, your rules. Whether you’re indulging or keeping it chill, what’s on your plate is not an open invitation for commentary. Let them focus on their own portions, and here’s how to focus on your own peace.
Food is fuel, joy, and choice. Whether it’s a double serving of pie or a little nibble of the things you like, people usually project judgement about other’s food choices when they have their own insecurities. Maybe they would love the extra servings but cant bring themselves to do it, so they critisize you for doing so, or maybe they feel guilty about their heaping plate of pie so they critisize you for choosing no desert. Or finally they are just so damn proud of what they made it offends them when someone doesn’t touch it… This is a “them” problem, not a you problem. Let them judge while you savor every damn bite of whatever it is you want.”
You can effortlessly take the spotlight off your plate by flipping the script. Try answering the unsolicited comment with a subject-changing question like, “So, how’s work been?” Or own it completely—point to something on your plate and rave about how good it is. Redirect, refocus, and keep it moving!
And if all else fails, let them know your favorite health coach (yep, that’s me) isn’t about calorie counting or portion policing—it’s all about clean eating, nutrition-packed meals, and respecting that food is a personal journey. Oh, and remind them they can always reach out to me for coaching if they want to level up their own plate game!
The Attendance Olympics: The ‘No’ That Saves Your Sanity
“Why do the holidays always turn into a competition for where you’re going, how long you’re staying, and whether you RSVP’d to Aunt Susan’s second potluck? The pressure to show up everywhere can be suffocating.
Here’s a thought: Your presence is a gift—and one you can choose not to give this year.
If your energy is running low, say no. You’re not obligated to turn yourself into a holiday marathon runner just to keep everyone else happy except yourself. And guess what? You don’t need a dramatic excuse. A simple, ‘I can’t make it this year, but I hope you have a wonderful time,’ is more than enough.”
Mindset Shift: Prioritize the people, places, and moments that energize you. If that means skipping the big family gathering in favor of a cozy night with your dog and a Hallmark movie, so be it.
Sometimes skipping events can be one of the biggest acts of self care if it means protecting your energy. I always ask myself, am I going because I feel that I have to, or am I going because I want to.. And sometimes the answer isn’t in the favor of the people expecting me, and thats just fine. My life not theirs.
Dodge That Holiday Dodgeball
“Let’s talk about the family dynamics that make holidays feel like emotional dodgeball. You’re dodging backhanded compliments like: ‘Wow, you’ve really changed!’ (Gee, thanks.) Or you’re stepping around full-blown debates about your life choices, food, politics, or why you’re still single.
Here’s the thing: Boundaries are your holiday MVP. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, a defense, or your emotional bandwidth. When someone lobs a passive-aggressive grenade your way, you don’t have to catch it. You can say: ‘I’m not discussing that today.’ And then walk away to get more wine—or pie. Preferably both.”
Mindset Shift: Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges to your sanity. Set them unapologetically and stick to them. And if you must use a comeback, here are some that pack humor and grace leaving you confident and in control.
Comment: “Wow, you’re still single?” Comeback: “Yep, I’m just waiting for someone as amazing as me. It’s a high bar.”
Comment: “I see you didn’t bring a dish to share.” Comeback: “I decided my sparkling personality was enough this year.”
Comment: “You’ve really changed since last year.” Comeback: “I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to.”
Comment: “We never see you anymore.” Comeback: “Well, you’re seeing me now—let’s make it count!”
Comment: “Are you really wearing that?” Comeback: “I know, right? I love this look. Highly recommend it.”
Comment: “Must be nice to have free time to do that.” Comeback: “It really is amazing.”
Comment: “Why don’t you have kids yet?” Comeback: “Because I love sleeping in and eating hot meals right now.”
Comment: “You look tired.” Comeback: “Funny, I feel great! Maybe it’s just my resting holiday face.”
Comment: “You’re not going to the family reunion again?” Comeback: “Nope! I’ll send my love —it travels better than I do.”
Comment: “I see you must not like the casserole?” Comeback: “Speaking of what’s on my plate, I love the turkey this year, what seasonings did you use?”
These comebacks can help you keep your cool, stay in control of the conversation, and subtly let the other person know their comment wasn’t appreciated.
The Holiday Blues: It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
“Not everyone feels joy and cheer during the holidays—and that’s okay. Maybe it’s a tough time of year for personal reasons, or maybe the constant hustle just feels overwhelming. If you’re not in the spirit, give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up.
Here’s your reminder: You don’t owe the world festive. It’s okay to be quiet, reflective, or even a little grumpy. The holidays aren’t a one-size-fits-all experience, and anyone who says otherwise can take their tinsel-wrapped judgment elsewhere.”
Mindset Shift: Allow yourself grace. Whether you’re thriving in the sparkle or just trying to survive, you’re doing the best you can—and that’s enough.”
I am giving your permission to be real and skip the festive act if that is what you need. If anyone has a problem with that, tell them to catch me outside how bout that.
“The holidays don’t have to be perfect, Instagram-worthy, or even traditional. They just have to work for you. Whether that means eating whatever the hell you want, skipping the third holiday gathering, or setting boundaries like the boss you are, remember: Your peace is priceless, and your choices are valid. So go ahead, pour the extra eggnog—or don’t. But either way, own it.”
Stop Faking It Until You Make It—Here’s What to Do Instead
Let’s Explore the real difference between ‘faking it till you make it’ and fully embodying the person you dream of becoming. And be sure to stick around—there’s an exciting announcement at the end of this post that you definitely don’t want to miss!
I get it all the time—weekly, sometimes even daily. People comment on how many things I’ve managed to accomplish or how many skills I’ve picked up over the years. I even have a friend who jokes about making a billboard that reads, “There’s nothing Jess can’t do.” Whether it’s small business ownership, economic development, website design, photography, home decor—you name it. But here’s the thing: I’m not some kind of prodigy. My method is actually quite simple.
I Never Once Thought I Couldn’t Do It
It’s really that simple. I wanted to be a photographer, so I visualized myself as one. And then I became one. No doubt, no hesitation. And guess what? You can do it too.
Some people struggle with visualization—and that’s totally okay. Here’s a quick exercise for you: think of anything you desire. It could be money, weight loss, physical fitness, better relationships, an amazing circle of friends, health, or even all of the above. Now picture it—this transformed version of you. Imagine yourself flexing those muscles in a tank top, rocking a bikini, strolling around your dream house, slipping into those jeans hidden in the back of your closet, holding hands with the love of your life, or being surrounded by friends who genuinely value you. Whatever it is—see it, feel it, experience it in your mind. Write it down if it helps you.
Embody It—Don’t Just Fake It
Here’s where the magic lies. Moving forward, start making decisions as if that future version of you is already here. Every choice you make should come from that place. Not from a place of lack or need, but from a place of abundance. It’s like you’re already that person and now it’s just about maintaining that state, not striving desperately to reach it.
“Fake it till you make it” is just a facade. And your subconscious mind? It knows better. Faking it can keep you locked in a mindset of lacking, of chasing. But when you fully embody the transformed version of yourself—both in public and in private—your mind has no choice but to align with that reality. Your subconscious kicks into action, guiding you to make decisions that bring about the abundance you’re visualizing.
The Power of Your Mindset
There’s so much more to this exercise than what I can fit into this post, but trust me—it’s one of the first things I teach all of my clients. And guess what? They see lasting progress. Why? Because this work changes the way you operate at your core.
But Jess, I Thought You Were a Nutritionist?
I am! I’m a Certified Transformational Nutrition Coach. But here’s the deal: nutrition, to me, is anything that feeds you. Yes, this includes food, but it also involves your psychology, your spirituality, your environment, your relationships—literally everything that nourishes or influences you. That’s the only way to make any kind of lasting change, whether it’s weight loss or achieving peak levels of wellness.
So yes, I can help you with meal planning and clean eating. But we often need to dig deeper to uncover what’s holding you back before we can move forward.
The Announcement: Let’s Get Unstuck Together!
Right now, I’m offering a coaching program that includes weekly sessions, my published books, and access to me via text—for a price lower than ever before! I want to help as many of you as possible to get unstuck. Let’s fill my calendar and start this journey together. Check it out here —–> Transformational Nutrition Coaching
I attended a peaceful yoga/meditation class with Amanda Rush on Tuesday evening. The class was in celebration of the spring equinox. Amanda mentioned something during the meditation that caught my attention. She referred to spring as the new year. The focus was on creating a new beginning and letting go of all garbage from the past year. At first, this was weird for me, as I had already attempted this in January! You know… “New Year, New Me!!!” Only to quickly get knocked back down on my ass, leaving the rest of the month incredibly dense.
Amanda’s words sparked some curiosity in me. I began to wonder about the connection between spring and the new year. I spent the next two days researching the history of the calendar, astrological years, lunar years, etc.
What I learned was on point with what I was thinking.
Spring equinox is the beginning of a new astrological year, and up until the Julian calendar went into effect, March 25th was the original beginning of each new calendar year. This makes sense as spring starts the beginning of everything in nature; however, a long ass time ago, a roman emperor who was superstitious about numbers decided to add two more months to the calendar and screw up all of the days.
Honestly, I have read so much and I can’t find a legitimate reason for changing the calendar that makes sense. I did read that January was named after Janus, the Roman god of all beginnings. Cool story bro… I don’t know about you, but I look around in January and see nothing new in nature beginning (at least in the US Midwest).
Could this be why most “new year’s resolutions” don’t work out? Or, possibly, why the baggage from the previous year(s) tend to linger? Here we all are, in the dead of winter (when the rest of nature is dormant), some of us drowning in seasonal depression, setting intentions and goals to be healthier, more organized, and better versions of ourselves, only to fall on our faces! I don’t know about you, but usually, by spring, I say screw it and hope for better things to come the next year.
I thought it didn’t work.
Shortly after the meditation, where I had asked god to help me let all things go and look at this spring as a new beginning, I found myself crying on the bedroom floor. “Would you look at that” I thought to myself, “the meditation didn’t work.”
That was until I realized, this wasn’t depression. This was my soul literally cleansing and letting go of everything I had held onto for so long.
This was unlike any other time (women tend to cry often, but this was different). I literally felt all of the baggage leaving my body until a moment where there was nothing left.
Then I seen the light.
It felt rough in the moment, but as soon as I came to a more stable place, I could feel as though the universe had finally given me a clean slate to work with. Was this rock-bottom or a bomb-ass cleanse? Did the meditation actually work? I can tell you this: my throat hurts, my eyes are puffy, and my head is now killing me, but I have never felt more clean and optimistic about the future.
I have been through some crap in my life, but at no point had I ever asked, in a meditative state, to be able to let it all go. When the universe delivered, and I let it all go, I soon realized how much I had been carrying. My tears cleansed my spirit as the spring showers cleanse mother nature.
What if?
I wonder what would happen if we all could align our goals, new intentions, and growth with the seasons of nature. What if we let spring wash away all of the shit from the year before, not just in the weather but in our minds, bodies, and spirits? What if we then ushered in all of the new, pleasant things, dreams, and goals into our lives along with the spring equinox and the blooming of the flowers?
I think if you want to get more organized, eat cleaner, or exercise more, or ask to let go of the baggage you have been holding onto, forget January (did I mention that month sucks?) The TIME IS NOW.
Don’t be discouraged if your New Year’s goals didn’t work out. Everything in nature was going against you. Try again this spring, and see how it goes.
I’m leaving the previous notion that new beginnings are the first of the calendar year, and I’m celebrating with spring equinox. I’m taking the goldfish too… Who’s coming with me?
That was referencing Jerry McGuire for those of you who didn’t get it 🙂
I did a similar Tik Tok series on this experience. Feel free to check it out.. and if you want to do a Nutritional Cleanse this spring… I just so happened to have created an entire program, and it’s available on Amazon! Keep scrolling…..
You don’t have to fight any fight alone, seek help whether you are asking god, or the universe, attending meditations, energy healing, or seeking professional help from a counselor or psychologist.
The information I have provided in this article is of my own personal experience and is not meant as medical or mental health advice. I am not a doctor and I am not making claims that this tool will heal you or even work for you. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis please visit your nearest hospital or call 911.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time, day or night, or chat online. Their Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.
Almost a year ago, I had a huge struggle with anxiety due to a never-ending series of traumatic events. Looking back now, I can see that what I struggled with was so much more than anxiety. It was my ADHD (racing thoughts and brain fog) mixed with a little PTSD (traumatic-event-related stress) topped off with depression and over a million ruminating thoughts that took control of my life. Now that’s a lot of acronyms, but to sum it all up, I was miserable! A dear friend of mine brought over a book about tapping. While I was extremely grateful to her for thinking of me and trying to help, I don’t think I was ready to heal yet. I wrongfully thought at the time that if I took steps toward healing, then it meant I had to become okay with what happened. I wasn’t okay. The book sat on the side table for the next few months as I sat in my misery.
We finally decided to take a trip as a family to Jamaica for some fun and healing. Knowing that I had several hours of driving, airports, and flying, I gathered up all of the self-help books that had been gifted to me! I spent all of our travel time reading each page word-for-word. I’ll later make a new post about the entire Jamaican healing journey and review the books I read. (Here are some of my travel stories) Tapping was the one that had the most significant and immediate effect. As I sat alone one morning on our balcony having coffee, a negative thought took hold and would not let go! I thought to myself, “Oh hell no, not here. Not in paradise!” I did about 5 minutes of a tapping technique, and I found INSTANT relief.
While this has not been the end-all, cure-all for me – it’s most defiantly a tool that has helped tremendously. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, dear friend!
Okay, So what the heck is “tapping?”
Not a new concept, but totally new to me (the book I read was actually published in 2008)! Better late than never!
Tapping, also known as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is a simple technique to alleviate trapped negative emotions. It involves using your fingertips to tap the body’s nine specific meridian points (energy points) while addressing your negative feelings, thoughts, memory, or emotions. Scientists and other professionals claim this process can release the negative energy connected to those thoughts, emotions, or memories. It has definitely helped me!
Here’s the specific technique I use:
I focus on my issue, such as a ruminating thought, bad memory, or simply being angry and hurt for something someone did to me. I rate the intensity of that negative feeling (this is important for later).
I try really hard to remember what I am grateful for and what I am capable of (this is difficult when I’m in a victim mindset, but I try my best to power through the hopelessness and find at least one thing that I know I’m capable of, or thankful for, or love about myself).
I then start tapping on my body’s meridian points (beginning with the karate chop point on the side of my hand).
While tapping the hand, I repeat what is known as the “setup phrase.” This phrase acknowledges the issue while simultaneously acknowledging what I’m thankful for. Here’s an example: “Even though I am experiencing the pain and trauma of (insert memory or thought) and I’m really angry, I deeply and completely accept myself and my feelings.” or “Even though (insert name) did (insert event) and it hurt me, I am beautiful and worthy of love.” A great ADHD example is: “Even though I lost track of time, I accept myself. I am unique and powerful!”
I then move on to each of my body’s meridian points as I state what is known as a “reminder phrase.” Example: “I am experiencing pain and trauma from this memory, but I can release the grief, and I can experience happiness. The meridian points include the top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, collarbone, and under the arm. I repeat the reminder phrase several times with each meridian point.
I repeat the entire process 2-3 times.
I then rate the intensity of the emotion or thought again. If the intensity has not decreased, I begin the sequence again.
Sometimes I tap to address a painful memory, and sometimes it’s as simple as regaining focus on my work after a distraction. This technique doesn’t have to be used for only deep painful stuff. It can be everyday crap like “Even though my kids are climbing the wall and the laundry has piled up, I accept that I am a good mom.”
Resources:
I am so happy to have found this tool and the specific technique that has worked for me. To me, this technique is all about accepting things that you cannot change, releasing the negative energy connected to those things, and instilling a tremendous love for yourself. I cannot promise that tapping will work for you, but If you’re interested in learning more, here are some resources that I have found helpful:
The information I have provided in this article is of my own personal experience and is not meant as medical or mental health advice. I am not a doctor and I am not making claims that this tool will heal you or even work for you. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis please visit your nearest hospital or call 911.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time, day or night, or chat online. Their Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.
I am not affiliated with or paid by Gaia or the Tapping Solution Foundation, but I have included links to Amazon products that are affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission when you make a purchase through links on our site at no additional cost to you. This helps fund my work and research. I appreciate your support!
My posts contain affiliate links, so I may earn a small commission when you make a purchase through links on our site at no additional cost to you. There are also a few ads from google placed throughout my site. This helps fund my work and research. Thank you for your support!
